“A central feature of my concept of parenting [is]…a secure base from which a child or an adolescent can make sorties into the outside world and to which he can return knowing for sure he will be welcomed when he gets there, nourished physically and emotionally, comforted if distressed, reassured if frightened. In essence this role is one of being available and ready to respond when called upon to encourage and perhaps assist, but to intervene only when clearly necessary.”

— Bowlby, J. (1988) A Secure Base. P. 11 (Shared with me during EFFT essentials training)

Deep down issues that get in the way of being a secure base for your child…

“Fear of…..”

— Quote Source

“Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.”

— Quote Source

“Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.”

— Quote Source

“Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.”

— Quote Source

Cycle of Trauma & Insecure Attachment

The coding system for "frightening, frightened, timid/deferential, dissociated, or disorganized behavior on the part of the parent" is typically referred to as the "FR coding system," which stands for "Frightened, Threatening, and Dissociative" behavior, developed by researchers Main and Hesse; it is used to categorize parental behaviors that can be alarming or confusing to a child, often linked to unresolved trauma in the parent and potentially leading to disorganized attachment in the child. 

Key aspects of the FR coding system: 

  • Categories of behavior:

    • Frightening: Sudden, unpredictable, or aggressive behaviors that may alarm the child, like yelling, facial expressions of anger, or threatening gestures.

    • Frightened: Displays of obvious fear or anxiety by the parent, including sudden withdrawal or freezing behaviors.

    • Dissociated: Appearing emotionally withdrawn, detached, or "spaced out" during interactions with the child, sometimes including blank stares or unusual changes in voice tone.

    • Timid/deferential: Excessive submissiveness or overly apologetic behavior that could be perceived as overly accommodating or anxious.

    • Sexualized: Inappropriate sexual comments or behaviors directed towards the child.

    • Disorganized: Inconsistent or contradictory behaviors that lack a clear pattern, making it difficult for the child to understand the parent's emotional state. 

Important points about the FR coding system: 

  • Context matters:

    The coding system considers the context of the interaction, assessing whether the parental behavior is sudden, out-of-the-ordinary, and potentially alarming to the child. 

  2. Link to attachment theory:

    Research suggests that parents who exhibit FR behaviors, particularly when stemming from unresolved trauma, may contribute to a disorganized attachment pattern in their children. 

  4. Observational coding:

    This coding system is typically used to analyze video recordings of parent-child interactions to identify and categorize these behaviors.